2004-11-03 - 11:58 p.m. - despair

Disappointed....discouraged....depressed....

But not despair…

I had not gotten there, for I thought of this quote…a favorite of mine...

"When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants, and murderers, and for a time they can seem invincible, but in the end they always fall. Think of it...always." - Mohandas K. Ghandi

Other countries may be adopting this as their mantra when they look at the USA these days. Four more years….whatever happens, we shall see just how strong our foundation is…the one built by our founding fathers…and while not perfect, it has lasted for over 200 years. History has shown that all empires fall sooner or later, so perhaps our time has come. And then again, perhaps this is our challenge…that despite who is at the helm, we ourselves can direct the course of our sail…we can choose to get more involved…we can choose to have our voices heard….point the finger not at anyone but ourselves…I take responsibility that I wasn’t active enough…sure I voted, but I didn’t do much else. I didn’t write any letters…I didn’t make any calls…I didn’t hit the pavement urging young democrats to get out and vote… I could cry and get upset - stomp away and say I’m staying out of the country for the next four years.

Or I could believe in this quote…another favorite of mine and one I’ve typed here before but need to see again…just so I will believe…

Nelson Mandela’s quote from his Inauguration Speech, 1994

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us, it is in everyone.
And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

***************

Of course, a song comes to mind for me….”there goes the fear….let it go…” (The Doves)

*************

Despair…

Phone call…it’s my brother…you see, my Dad has been in and out of the hospital for the past couple of weeks, but it was my understanding, that while things are serious, he could get better. They found some cancer spots on his liver but his colonoscopy and Catscan came back negative. They don’t know the source of the spots at this point. He has an appt. this week with the oncologist. My brother had a talk with the doctor the other day, and this is what he called to tell me about - the news that everyone else in my family is in denial about…my Dad is dying…the doctor said the best they can do right now is keep him comfortable. If he has any more setbacks, he might have a month…maybe six…they really didn’t know.

A month…those two words kind of swooshed by my brain when my brother told me…I didn’t see it coming…

Everything else about today seems so insignificant now.

30-something - 2005-03-01
the holding back the the flow of tears - 2005-02-20
song survey - 2005-02-15
song for the day...or perhaps the year... - 2005-01-25
something new - 2005-01-24
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