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2004-09-27 - 10:30 p.m. - come and find me now... “Come and find me, now...” That’s the song going through my head. It’s a beautiful song by Josh Ritter, and I think it may soon become my theme song. I had a great weekend. One of my new friends and I went to the coast together to attend a BBQ held by the headmaster of one of the other schools down here. It was great to meet other teachers as well as to see a different part of the country. When we were just about ready to leave for the BBQ after checking into our hotel rooms, it started to rain. Now the rain down here isn’t the drizzle of Portland or even the occasional downpour. No…..It is the torrential, cats and dogs and every other four legged mammal coming down on you type of rain that floods the streets within minutes because of its sheer volume. Well when it finally slowed about 15-20 minutes later to a sprinkle, my friend and I ventured out to try to get a taxi to this cookout. The parking lot of the hotel had about 2 inches of water everywhere. I was about ready to take off my sneakers when my friend said, “No, I’ll carry you.” He had already taken his shoes off and had found some higher ground to place his stuff before coming back to get me. I told him it really was no problem for me to take my shoes off as well, but he would hear none of it. He picked me up over his shoulder while I was laughing hysterically and carried me over to where the pavement was just wet as opposed to drowning in water. He’s such a sweet guy, and I must confess, I’m starting to have feelings for him. These feelings started long before he “swept me off my feet”, but actions like that certainly set him apart from the rest. I know guys get in a bit of a fickle when it comes to things like that…should I open the door for her…should I offer to pay??? I am very independent and certainly a woman of the modern age, but it’s nice to also be treated like a lady every once in a while. Some may disagree, but maybe even in my very liberal consciousness, there is some degree of conservatism…kind of like the whole ying/yang type of thing…it is never all black or white, you always have some of both. The other thing that happened is that we lost the map with the directions to the BBQ. I had asked him if our taxi driver had given it back to him, and he said he hadn’t. He couldn’t find it and blamed himself. I didn’t get mad…I was just as much blame as I could have easily have asked for it back. . I’ve been trying to live by the motto…you can’t always control what’s happening, but you can control how you react to it. Believe me, I’ve got a ways to go, but I’m trying to make a conscious effort each day to not sweat over the small stuff. I sweat enough down here with just the heat and humidity! So through various means that are too long to detail here, we managed to get to the place. The sad/funny thing is that when we arrived there, I reached into the pit of my pocket for something, and what did I find??? The map…I had it the whole time, unbeknownst to me. Now I could have not bothered to tell my friend who had promised to make it up to me since he thought it was him who had lost the map, but I just couldn’t do that. I’d feel too guilty. So later on I told him I had a confession to make…I found the stupid map and it was my fault we were late, not his. I told him I’d make it up to him, and I plan on baking him cookies despite not having all the ingredients I’m used to working with down here. On our way home yesterday, he was talking about how he has to figure out what he’s doing next year…where he’ll go. He’s starting his second year here but isn’t 100% happy. No place is perfect. I started thinking, “here, I find this really nice guy to whom I’m attracted, and there’s a really good chance he won’t be here next year.” I figure if I decide to do a second year, I will most likely stay here since it’s SO much work and I just can’t imagine packing up and starting someplace new with all different preps again. At least let me get my feet on the ground with what I’m doing here. But I would place money that he won’t be here next year. So any hopes for a long-term relationship, if it were to develop into that at all, which I don’t even know if it would, are pretty much out the window. Part of me is saying to just enjoy the friendship and take each day as it comes. That’s the sane part of me. But the other part (partially insane) is screaming, “my fucking biological clock is ticking liking a time bomb and there’s no Jack Bauer character coming to undetonate it with his 6 inch missile entering the tunnel as my body shakes and quivers in orgasmic happiness with the arrival of his Freedom from Old Maidendom Fighters”. The insane part of me also speaks with run-on sentences. Presently I chose to reside in the more sane half of my brain where you’ll hear this quiet request of love….”come and find me, now…”
30-something - 2005-03-01
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