2004-06-10 - 9:45 p.m. - grief

Grief seems to be like the tide – in and out…seemingly predictable, but then you get hit with a sneaker wave and it throws you over.

It’s like you think you’ve dealt with grief – tied up all those emotions and locked them behind a gate so you can go on with your life. But it’s weird how seemingly unrelated things can undo it all. %%diary-seastreet%%'s honest and eloquently told story of the cat trauma he witnessed unlocked the gate this afternoon and a few tears fell. That’s OK – I still have a handle on these emotions….

While eating dinner and listening to the radio, I heard REM’s "Everybody Hurts"…I paused from what I was doing for a moment to reflect on the words – such a beautiful song and so true. Then instead of grading my genetics papers, I watched a rerun of "Joan of Arcadia". I’ve really come to love that show – "what if God were one of us" - taken from the show’s theme song by Joan Osborne. Tonight’s episode was about a couple of different characters dealing with personal trauma – or rather – not dealing with it too well.

The last scene ended with Damien Rice’s "Older Chests" song playing in the background – the same song I played at Opal’s memorial service. This was the sneaker wave – I heard that song tonight and I just started crying all over again. I went over and picked up the container that holds what few ashes I have left of Opal’s and just cried.

Today is Thursday, and it was ten weeks ago today that she died. This week, the last full week of school, has been creeping by slower than a snail’s pace, and yet ten weeks can seem like yesterday.

"Like time, there's always time

On my mind

So pass me by, I'll be fine

Just give me time"

(Damien Rice – "Older Chests")

30-something - 2005-03-01
the holding back the the flow of tears - 2005-02-20
song survey - 2005-02-15
song for the day...or perhaps the year... - 2005-01-25
something new - 2005-01-24
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