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2004-04-12 - 12:15 a.m. - Part II: Opal 4/1/04 I got home and was surprised that Opal didn’t greet me at the door like she usually does. Oh – she’s under the table…that’s strange, she doesn’t usually sleep under there. She must be exhausted because she’s still sleeping. Oh shoot – I left my CD’s out in the car. I’d better run out and get them. When I return, still no little pitter patter of Opal’s feet coming to greet me. Opal?? I bent down and saw this little string…did she get stuck under the table and fall asleep? But the string was not just a little string…it ran across the dining room because it was the chord for my dining room curtain and was now wrapped tightly around Opal’s neck. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I ran and got the scissors and cut the chord. Then I grabbed Opal and cut it from around her neck. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO….OPAL…..I’M SO SORRY!!!! I just kept saying that over and over as the tears flowed from my eyes. Her little body was limp – she was already dead. She was just 8 months old, and I had had her for 6. I sobbed and sobbed – no one was home and it was about midnight. Who can I call?? My friend with whom I was at the concert has a stressful job and was already up way past her bedtime – she needs to rest. Many of my other friends are parents – they need to rest. One of my friends volunteers on Fri. – maybe she’s still up. I called and only got the machine – I left a broken message – "are you there???" I hung up. I called another friend’s cell phone but only got the voice mail. I could barely talk so I hung up. The phone rang – it was my friend whom I had called and left the message – she was in bed but heard the phone ring. I told her what happened and asked her what I should do…she suggested to put Opal in a bag for now and then decide how I want to deal with the body. She was very supportive, but I really wanted her to just come over and sit with me. But I was such a mess, I couldn’t even ask. I just held Opal and even prayed that she’d come alive again – if Jesus could do it for Lazarus, perhaps God could work through me and I could do it for Opal. But what if I don’t do it right and she comes back but can’t walk right or is messed up in the head because of oxygen depletion. (You can see that I wasn’t exactly rational at this point). I cried for about an hour and a half and held Opal’s little body. I felt such guilt – here I was out having the time of my life and my kitten was unintentionally strangling herself. If only I had been home this might not have happened. And I had been so busy this week – I really didn’t play enough with her. I shouldn’t have yelled at her the other night when she knocked my glass of juice off the table and all over the floor. I should have paid more attention to her – maybe she wouldn’t have gotten caught up in the curtain string. I should have fixed that damn string – I thought I had it up so she couldn’t get at it. Maybe she committed suicide – a suicidal kitten, neglected by her owner who was out at a concert. Finally, when exhaustion started to overtake me, I took off her collar, told her that I loved her, and put her in a kitchen garbage bag. Emotionally that was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. But my mind told me – this is just a body, Opal is gone. I cried and cried and just had to leave her in the bag by the table. I couldn’t make myself put her anywhere else. I went to bed and a short while later I heard my housemate come home. I went down stairs and in a broken voice, told him what happened. He hugged me and comforted me and said he’d help with the burial or anything I needed. I asked him to move her down to the basement, and he did. He put her in the recycling bin for now– appropriate enough, I guess. I slept for maybe about 3 hours – all while wondering what had happened to the good karma… But I guess that’s not why we’re suppose to do good deeds anyway…
30-something - 2005-03-01
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| Marriage is love. | |||||