2003-08-21 - 12:08 a.m. - the diaryland community

I wanted to keep my previous entry with the poem separate, so I shall write my second entry for the evening.

First of all, welcome back %%diary-floodtide%%!! With him being gone, %%diary-vancookie%% being overworked and then electricity-less for a while in NYC, %%diary-seastreet%% baking somewhere down in Florida and Bobby's %%diary-perceptions%% taking a break for a while, I felt like my buddies were dropping left and right! Instead of expanding and reaching out to others, I felt like I was being sucked into a whirlpool of aloneness. And it did SUCK (even though the scientist in me says that nothing in this universe sucks – it is either a push or a pull.) My community was shrinking! Thank God for %%diary-mousepoet%%’s and the newly discovered %%diary-ryarianne%%’s poetic writings as well as %%diary-thisuser%%'s struggles that helped make me feel not so isolated. (A little note to %%diary-thisuser%%: GO on your adventure – turn the page and begin anew. You’ll never regret having at least tried it.)

It is really through reading %%diary-floodtide%%’s diary that I am beginning to "speak what I feel, not what I ought to say" to paraphrase Lear’s quote on one of Flood’s banners. And it’s not just speaking through this forum of an on-line diary, but the fact that because it is on-line, I just might have the chance of being heard…a whisper through the trees… a droplet of rain falling and plunging into a puddle of millions of other droplets. As I fall, sometimes I may be screaming, sometimes I may be laughing, sometimes I may be crying and sometimes I just may be. But it the sound of my emotions that gets communicated through words written on this blue page which then enters you. And I do thank you for taking the time to read these words.

My Gold membership just expired (about a week early – a problem which Andrew is looking into), and because Paypal just revamped its database and is presently having a few problems of its own, I’m not able to enter my new credit card account number. In short, this means that until the problem is fixed, I am without the privileges of a Gold member. The privilege I generally use is the stats feature, and this is basically a visual of you: who heard me today? Or at least, who saw my words? I didn’t realize how important this was for me until I no longer was able to use it.

Why does it even matter? I guess, for me, it just affirms that I am not alone. And being alone, through the passage of time, is my fear.

30-something - 2005-03-01
the holding back the the flow of tears - 2005-02-20
song survey - 2005-02-15
song for the day...or perhaps the year... - 2005-01-25
something new - 2005-01-24
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